Blazed like Broadus
by insomniasucks
Summary: Having a mutual friend was doing nothing for their relationship. RTN AU SasuHinaMenma. Inspired by Nice Legs, Daisy Dukes.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Special thanks to Star-Child-Yeci c:**

* * *

He blew smoke into his face slowly, gaping out the last of it. Menma had his brow quirked, "Are you gonna stand there all day or are you going to sit here and chill?"

Sasuke kneeled down to his eye level, staring before sitting down next to him.

"Haven't seen you in a while, why'd you decide to show up all of the sudden?" Menma asked.

He held his right hand out expectantly and smiled, "Aw, miss me?"

Menma rolled his eyes, passing his friend the purple bong. "I guess, don't finish it all, I think Hinata's coming over soon."

He noticed how his shoulders tensed at her name, "All right." he muttered quietly before taking it from his hands. Even in the dim light, Sasuke could tell there was something different about this weed, "What is this?"

Menma just shrugged and didn't say anything, staring at a tile a few feet away from him.

The boy shook his head before clicking the lighter at the front of the bong, then took a small experimental breath. He didn't mean to cough all over the place like some amatuer, but what the fuck was in that shit?

His friend turned his cheek, eyeing him drolly, "Too strong for you bro?"

Sasuke scowled and turned the pipe around, looking at the hollow bowl intently. As if trying the decipher what it was, "Seriously man, what is this?"

Menma shrugged again, this time laughing mirthfully. "I," he paused, chuckling lowly, "I really don't know, I spent the last of my birthday money on it."

"You still have money from October?" Sasuke asked, sounding completely astonished.

"Tch."

He was amazed because Menma knew how to manage his money and didn't spend it all on one girl in _one night_?

"Why do you blow all your cash on chicks?"

Sasuke shrugged, handing the bong back to him. "Gotta treat your girl right."

"Yeah," He agreed, cupping both hands around the warm bottle, "But come on, you spoil them more than your mom."

"Ever heard of being a gentlemen?"

Menma rolled his eyes, "Call it what you want, you're whipped bro."

He was about to intake a long drag out of the tube, when Sasuke sneered, "Bet Hinata wouldn't have minded."

Menma held the bong away from his mouth, "What?" He dared him, he fucking dared him to repeat himself.

"Just saying." He coughed lightly, looking around the room.

Menma held on with both hands, almost breaking the pretty glass. Why was Sasuke still hung up on that anyway? It was his fault for being an unfaithful bastard and flirting with every girl that'd let him, while still dating one of the best woman this city had to offer. He'd often tease Hinata about Sasuke's infidelity, and there was nothing more he wanted to do that night she came crying to him than rub it in her goddamn face. Because _he fucking told her so._

And now? Was his best friend really gonna call him out for that? After _he_ broke up with her? Sasuke was a moron.

Bringing the pipe back to his lips, he shrugged, "Shouldn't have been so careless."

It was now Sasuke's turn to get angry, Hinata never treated him right in the first place. What did he know? Menma was a scheming backstabber that only did things for his personal gain. Selfish son of a bitch.

"Whatever, I was just saying she'd probably like it if you didn't fight with her all the time."

"Babe likes it rough." He mentioned.

"Another thing!" Sasuke scoffed, "How can you bring it upon yourself to hit a girl during sex?"

His blue eyes narrowed, "You act like I beat my wife and kids, I make sure it doesn't hurt that much though. You should see what she does to me," Menma set the bong on the floor to drag the sleeve on his shoulder down, only to be stopped by his friend.

"I get it." Seeing the scratches his ex-girlfriend left on his best friend's back wasn't appealing.

He nodded, fixing his shirt and sliding the lighter to him.

Sasuke took it, less reluctantly than before and flicked the lighter a few times, he took a deep breath, hoping to forget about all this girl trouble. Normally, it would take him a few hits before he felt even a little fuzzy, but whatever the fuck was in there was intense. He didn't cough this time, only swallowed to moisten his throat.

"Did she ever let you eat?" Menma asked out of pure curiosity.

Sasuke shook his head, drumming his fingers on the long tube, "You?"

"Yeah," he said, "twice."

He watched Sasuke clear his throat again and pass the bong back to him, sighing out any excess smoke.

The door swung open not even a second later, said girl walked in, hips swaying before turning to them.

Her cousin stuck his head out the door. "Are you two smoking?"

Menma hastily pushed the bong behind his side drawer carefully, making sure not to break it. "No," he spluttered unconvincingly. Fuck, that shit made him slow.

"Nope, just having a broment is all," Sasuke grinned, flashing white teeth.

Menma wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer. "Haha, best fucking friends for life."

Neji gave them weird looks before nodding to Hinata, "I told you they were gay."

She didn't reply.

"Oh by the way, Menma," Before he left, Neji had to mention, "Your mom's hot."

He twitched, "Thanks man."

"Anytime, Hinata I'll be back at nine." He shut the door after himself.

Menma didn't trust him going downstairs alone with his mom. Eh, she could manage.

"What's with the jacket? Going modest all of the sudden?" Sasuke jeered.

"Please," She scoffed, unzipping it and later taking the jacket off altogether. "He wouldn't stop staring, it's like he digs incest or something."

He let go of his friend's shoulder and stared at her jacket on his floor, before pulling his eyes to her. "Oh, and you're both terrible liars. Neji just chose to keep a blind eye."

"Thought so," Menma mused, knowing their little charade wasn't the least bit believable.

"I thought it was pretty good," Sasuke smiled, poking her boyfriend's cheek, "_best fucking friend_."

Hinata grit her teeth, she swore he did it just to spite her. She walked her way to Menma's right, grabbing the indiscreetly hidden bong while he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

She didn't even ask what it was, mock badassery. Hinata took the tube to her red lips, while Menma lit a flame for her. She inhaled, holding it for longer than either of them.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, _show off_. He waited, counting the seconds before she choked on the smoke, just like all those times she choked on him.

Hinata tilt her head to the ceiling, opening her mouth and releasing white smoke slowly. Sasuke looked away, sucking his teeth, while Menma watched idly with half lidded eyes.

She smiled bitterly, "Jealous?"

Sasuke looked back at her, "Yeah Hinata, I'm plenty jealous you can hold your breath for that long, shows your experience."

She thrust the bong to her boyfriend's stomach, "What was that-"

"Ladies please," He pacified, "There's enough Menma to go around." He wrapped his other arm around Sasuke's shoulder, pulling them close in a hug.

"Fuck off," Hinata flipped his hand off of her, getting up to remove his arm off Sasuke's shoulder. Menma was dragged lazily onto his bed, pushed down and kissed roughly after being straddled by his girlfriend.

"Wow really guys? I'm right here," Sasuke got up, watching them scornfully.

"Good," Hinata bounced on Menma's laying, placid body. "Maybe you'll learn a thing or two about pleasing a lady." She said in between kisses, but only looking at Sasuke.

It was ironic, how Menma talked shit about _Sasuke_ being whipped, yet he was there taking it like a bitch. He almost laughed, she wanted him so bad it was practically pathetic. "Bitch you're nowhere near a lady."

As soon as he uttered that last word, the bed stopped rocking. It was just Hinata in silent seeth, while Menma and Sasuke waited for her reaction.

She got off of him slowly and then walked up to Sasuke. He looked down at her condescendingly with a raised brow, it was so cute because she was so short compared to him. "Need somethi-" She slapped him.

He let his head stay tilted like that for a minute, venturing to see what else she'd do. Hinata clawed away at his face, not missing a beat. "Watch it, girl." He caught her arms, swinging her against a wall.

He'd leaned to meet her face, just in time to hear her hiss, "Let go."

"Make me." He smirked, grabbing both her wrists in one of his hands and balling his other hand into a fist before punching the wall above her ear.

"Menma. Do something." She ordered, not breaking eye contact with Sasuke. Having your dad as the head police officer payed off, the Uchiha was physically superior to her.

"Sasuke let her go," he said in a halfass attempt to stop them.

"I don't know, I kinda missed holding her." He whispered loud enough so that only she could hear.

"Let me go right now, or I swear-"

"You know I've always wanted to have a threesome," he thought aloud, "though I'd always imagined it with two girls, but hey I could vouch for sharing you with my bestie."

"What do you say Menma?" Sasuke looked over his shoulder, "You down for a threesome?"

He sat up, only to be thrown back by the suggestion, "Ew, fuck no faggot."

"I said let me go douche bag!" She tried pulling one of her hands away, thinking he let his guard down. Wrong. He smiled wryly, imagining how long he would let this continue.

"Let her go." Menma growled, patience running thin.

Sasuke looked back, he had now gotten up on the bed, eyes fierce. Oh fuck it was happening again. He watched the blue in his friends eye rearrange and swirl itself into a darker shade.

Menma had this strange case of heterochroma, where one of his eyes, his right eye, flared a rusty auburn when he got angry. It was rather captivating. Goddammit even in his incoherent, _completely_ baked state, Menma was frightening. Sasuke guessed that was why he smoked so often, in order to suppress his rage.

Menma should've finished the bowl.

He released her arms briskly, "All you had to do was ask, sugar." Hinata thanked him with another slap.

She rolled her wrists, walking her way back to the bed. She was waiting for Menma to kick his ass, only he was allowed to touch her.

Sasuke's phone rang, breaking the anticipating silence. Hinata scrunched her nose at the vulgar ringtone, and then twisting her whole face into a weird contortion when he answered with, "Holla atcha boy,"

"Oh, hey _Sakura_," he cooed, giving Hinata an arch look.

"Yeah shawty, you know I always have time for you." She rolled her eyes so hard at that.

Menma watched him, his growling had long ceased. "I'll meet you there in a few, see you then cupcake."

He put his phone back into his pocket, smiling at the couple on the bed, "I'd love to stay, but I'm afraid I've got needs to fulfill."

"Go fuck yourself." Hinata spat.

"Thank you, I'll try. Bye babycakes," he winked at Menma. Later walking out of the door, and right as he was about to close it, blew a kiss, "Bye Hinata."

"Get the fuck out of here!" She threw a shoe at him, but Sasuke closed to door quickly, evading it. The shoe bounced off the doorknob.

Menma pushed her back against his bedframe. "Don't let him get to you babe, he's just jealous."

"I don't care." She lied to herself more than him.

* * *

On his way downstairs, Sasuke was talking to himself about how excited he was for tonight because he hadn't eaten in days.

Kushina, upon hearing this was heartbroken, and immediately offered him ramen she just made. She was going to give Mikoto a piece of her mind after this.

He stared at her, before throwing his head back in laughter, and making his way out the front door.

"Thanks , but I wasn't talking about food."

* * *

**igjkidfjglkfdg I promised myself I wouldnt write about Menma until I watched rtn, but that was in the summer, and the subbed version should be out soon, sooooooooooo~~~~**

**i'd like to thank Star-Child-Yeci for inspiring me to do this,** **and** **for the best rtn fanfic on this site, legit guys its fucking bomb, read Nice Legs, Daisy Dukes before this shit. Haham and if your reading this girl, the first idea for a fic i got was the three of them sharing a bong talking about how much they hated each other.**

**mm, what else do rich kids do except smoke weed and have sex and whatevs, their parents are alive and safe and i dont even know if i kept them in character. uhhhh i dont know if i made it clear or not, but, sasuke and hinata used to be together, but she was mean and he was a flirt, so i guess it ended, sex wasnt going to fix anything for them. now shes dating menma, his bfffl, and he's jellyyyyyyyy**

**review if you want, id love it a lot, but pleassssssssssssseee don't correct me on anything, i wrote this at like 4 and then had to rush to get ready for school, so i know its not going to be my best work. lkkdlsfkdkskdfssdfffff**


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